She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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