the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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