We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
