well I can't set my house on fire every night
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
