next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
