just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pants are for mortals
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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