I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
