Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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