why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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