it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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