I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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