I would go down on you faster than GM stock
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
