I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
