Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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