I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Randomize
