Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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