Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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