I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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