This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
