Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
