You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
