Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
