I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
