I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
