If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
