It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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