Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
