Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
