we have officially lost it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
