He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
