i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
