I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
