Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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