I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
