he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
