a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
