Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
