Soap is not a condiment
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
