I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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