i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
