Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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