i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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