The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I will pee on everything he values.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
