My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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