i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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