I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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