There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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