haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
