I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
