I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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