I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Randomize
