How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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