The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
