Im at strip club and am horny
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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