I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
