See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
