Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He better not be in your backpack
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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