so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
