Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
