so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
