Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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