You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
