Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
