Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
