in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
