well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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