yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
