I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
