Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
