Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
