I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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